The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
