just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
