i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
