so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
