doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
did you just send me my own nude
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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