His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
