I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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