O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
