I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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