is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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