i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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