2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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