the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
