Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
