My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
