he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
