Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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