i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
