Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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