I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
