naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
