I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
it's great music for shaving your balls
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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