just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
