I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I want her autograph on my taint
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
