I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
