Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
