I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
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i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
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Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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