I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We have so much sex to catch up on
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
