bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
