Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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