How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So much Jack, so little girl.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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