Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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