So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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