Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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