my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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