If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
