Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Randomize
