so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
soo... how was my night?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
