what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
