If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
