saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize