question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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