But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
