Just cropdusted the office
accomplished twins. life is a go
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
