3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
tell me about the fingering
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