Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
