I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
This baby is an asshole
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I believe in your delicious
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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