Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
