I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wish you could order shots online.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
