come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
