She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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