We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
