dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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