i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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