I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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