last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just invented taco cereal.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
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