I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
