STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You smell like stripper and shame
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
