I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
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Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
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I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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