hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
