Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Are we still banned from the library?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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