If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
