Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
