You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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