My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
