He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
