After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
