I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize