It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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