You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
