I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i've created a new STD.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
