I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
