I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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