the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
