I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
