"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
