you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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